I'm in a reflective period right now; a few weeks ago we wrapped up cohort 2 of I Have a Body!, and the Jewish new year is around the corner. So I'm starting to imagine: what do I really want in this next year?
The new year used to be hard for me because it was when I would face my body and admit that I still struggled with food, that I still wanted to be ever-smaller. It was part of the process I needed to go through to eventually arrive at respecting my body, unconditionally.
Throughout I Have a Body! I ask participants to bring in art to inspire us. One person brought in this beautiful poem by coach L'Erin:
You will break hearts, burn bridges, disappoint people on your path of liberation.
You will disrupt perfection performances to save your sanity.
You will pulverize the coziness of comfort, sometimes without knowing when you’ll find it again.
You will become a stranger to once beloved people & institutions in order to become home to yourself.
You will be rejected.
Unrecognized.
Misunderstood.
Judged.
You will also discover that the risk is worth it.
That your truth is more powerful than their approval.
That your light is more liberating than their expectations.
So, burn it down baby.
Set your chains on fire.
Ignite your limited life.
Baptize yourself in the dust.
Rebirth yourself from the ashes.
Live the life you have imagined.
Hot damn.
If you could live the life you have imagined— what would that look like?
What would it mean if you did so in the body you have today, instead of the one you're waiting for?
For me, the journey looked like finally deciding to let go of body control and ask for help.
I'm not sure exactly what I want in this next year but turns out that without the constant pulsing of body worries, there's a lot more space to explore.
p.s Applications for cohort 3 of I Have a Body! are due next week: September 9th.