Everyday Grief

I used to believe Grief had to be BIG, reserved for death and maybe heartbreak. Grief was a place I didn’t want to go, didn’t believe I could come back from.

Now grief is a daily practice. 

Grief is the emotional experience of acknowledging loss or change, of any size. It is not the same as sadness or depression. 

Some things that I regularly grieve (in no particular order):

• My pre-kid life 

• Previous versions of my body

• Fantasies I've had about other people or myself that did not come to fruition

• Childhood stuff

• People I miss 

• Pre-covid times 

• The feeling of control I had when dieting, however false it was

• Clothes that no longer fit 

• Rituals I've abandoned

• My kid who is no longer a baby, no longer a newborn, no longer a fetus inside of my body

• The world without AI

• That I wanted a world without war and have never experienced that

• When I am awkward in social interactions and wished I was graceful

• Perfect moments that I know will end

• The last bite of amazing food

• (I could go on. Would love to know what’s on your daily grief list).

In some of these cases–grieving childfree life, for example– the presence of grief does not mean I regret the change. Duality, you know?

I also do not focus much on whether the grief is a small thing or a big thing. Grief is grief. Grieving one thing is grieving all the things.

Depending on the day/time, here’s what everyday grief looks like for me:

• A quick moment of crying when the thought occurs

• A few gentle taps to my heart with my right hand, in recognition that grief is present 

• A phone call to one of the people in my life with whom we have an explicit agreement to trade time listening 

• A quiet moment with eyes closed, just feeling the grief inside me

• A self-reminder that grief connects me to all of humanity

• Journaling

• Prescheduled grief time with therapists and coaches

• A brief cry with my partner who has learned my tears are not an emergency

• Creating a ritual for letting go

• A daily gratitude list text to a friend (the flip side of the grief coin practice)

I do not start a fight with Grief. I do not resist her. I do not resent her. I thank her for reminding me what matters most and how fleeting it all is.

Would love to know your thoughts on grief these days.

Love,

Talia

P.S. if you want to experience a unique grief ritual, I’m holding a memorial for the clothes we’re not quite ready to let go of this Wednesday.