Food Rules vs. Food Preferences

Oh the lists of food rules I used to have! Eat this, don’t eat that, get the timing right, measure the amounts…

If I’m being honest, I loved it. Food rules felt like safety. Bright lines. Guard rails. Food rules seemed to guarantee health and thinness, as long as I stayed the course.

I have always loved structure.

So when I left college and got dumped, I found myself suddenly in a boundary-less life. I had no parents or partner to report to, no grades to achieve. Food rules felt like the savior, and all I had to do was follow. Track it. Log it. Calories in, calories out. Relief. So reassuring.

At least at first. 

Then something started to happen. 

Me, the good girl, who never even rebelled as a teenager….started to rebel against myself.

I found work arounds. I wouldn’t eat white sugar, but I’d buy maple syrup sweetened granola and before I knew it, I’d have eaten the entire jar in one sitting. 

I wouldn’t eat gluten, but I inhaled bags of corn chips without even tasting it.

My dreams at night were of food. I procrastinated at work by looking up recipes. My chit chat with acquaintances was all about restaurants. I felt like my brain had been hijacked. I thought I was addicted to food, so I added even more food rules, thinking maybe the reins weren’t tight enough.

Eventually I realized this was untenable. I recognized that I was headed for an eating disorder and knew I had to make a change. I learned about intuitive eating and you know the rest.

Now I don't have food rules. Truly zero. I am allowed to eat anything I want. 

But I have lots of food preferences. 

Some are preferences of my taste buds and some are preferences of my body.

For example my taste buds prefer things like:

• fresh made baked goods

• food that’s not too salty

• hot tea year round

• dark chocolate, unless I have a random milk chocolate craving

• more texture instead of less (yogurt with something crunchy in it)

• fruits that are sliced up small

My body prefers things like:

• broccoli cooked really absurdly soft

• a bunch of small meals instead of a few big ones

• nondairy food

• soups in winter and salads in summer 

• water without ice

• sweeter things eaten later in the day

Sometimes my taste buds and body preferences conflict, but I’ve learned how to navigate these conflicts without much fanfare.

At first life without food rules was scary. But eventually I learned my actual preferences.

At the end of the day, my main preference is to feel good, so I do my best to eat accordingly, without striving for perfection. I’ve found this provides enough structure that I don’t feel like I’m falling with no net, and not so much structure that I need to rebel. I got there by removing the rules, learning my real preferences, and then holding them with flexibility.

I used to think that I had to forbid myself from eating cake because once I started eating cake I would never stop (like the granola! And the corn chips!). But once endless cake actually became a real option, it wasn’t that appealing. As it turns out, I don’t even like cake that much (though I’ll happily eat a brownie, if you’re offering). That's a nuance I never knew about myself with food rules.

As it turns out, intuitive eating paved the way for me to honor all of my preferences in life; to learn what kinds of people and relationships I like, what kinds of work gives me meaning, and what activities make me come alive. I imagine I’ll keep learning my preferences forever. What an honor to get more and more intimately acquainted with myself!

I've learned one of my food preferences is for the inside of brownies. I'll never understand you edgers!