The Goal is Not an “A” in Body Positivity: letting go of perfectionism

At the recent Double Whammy workshop (feeling bad about feeling bad about your body) one participant talked about how she sometimes feels like the goal is to get an “A” in body positivity. 

Boy can I relate.

While I no longer crave an “A” in body positivity, I really get the feeling of wanting an “A” in all kinds of non-school places: 

• I want the pediatrician to give me an “A” in parenting

• I want colleagues to give me an “A” in work

• I want followers to give me an “A” in social media (I don’t actually know what that means, but I’m pretty sure I want it)

• I think I sometimes want well-dressed strangers in the street to give me an “A” in fashion (???)

Ohhh Perfectionism, you sneaky guy. Just when I think I’m done with you, you find another way of creeping back in.

Body positivity and perfectionism: dropping the search for an A.

I was one of those kids who was stressed in high school. What would school have been like without grades? It’s hard to imagine.

But now that I'm an adult, I can actually set up my life in a different way.

I can choose to notice and release perfectionist tendencies and to instead have different kinds of goals– like prioritizing connection with my kid over perfect parenting, learning more in the realm of work, having fun on social media, and expressing myself with fashion.

Possible body positive goals unrelated to grades:

• To notice what my body feels like more often

• To develop the skill of interrupting negative body thoughts

• To set aside more time for body grief

• To develop a style that more closely matches my personality

• To treat my curls better

• To hydrate more

• To sleep more

• To do less

Honestly, really anything could be called a body positive goal— Become a clown? Bike uphill? Learn to weave?

The point is this: body positivity is not about perfectionism or getting it right. It’s about deciding to move away from diet culture while moving toward body trust, whatever that looks like for you. And notice I intentionally said “move” not achieve.