Body image ebb and flow

I used to believe that I would be saddled with body image challenges forever, that it was just my lot in life.

I never imagined I could have genuine moments of liking, even loving my body. In this climate? Are you kidding?

When I first opened the book on intuitive eating, it was as a distant prayer, with no real belief in the possibility of change.

But then…things did shift. I learned to nourish myself. I caught myself smiling in the mirror. My body changed in ways I had dreaded… and I found that I was ok.

The “body stuff will be hard forever” narrative slowly stopped feeling true. 

Not because I always loved myself with ease.

I still have hard feelings about my body sometimes. More so these days in this postpartum period at this particular moment when the worship of thinness is back and stronger than ever.

But the hard body feelings do not feel like they used to. I’m equipped to handle the upsetting thoughts that arise. I no longer see a "bad" photo of myself and spiral down until I make a plan to fix it. I know how be with my feelings until they soften. I know how to appreciate my body and treat it well, even when I don’t love it. I know how to trust that on another day, I will remember how gorgeous I am (maybe even tomorrow).

I know how to live in the ebb and flow. 

The ebb and flow of my energy. The ebb and flow of creativity. The ebb and flow of relationships. The ebb and flow of connection to my body. 

But I used to be terrified of ebb. "It’s all slipping away," some part of me would whisper-scream, perhaps like the shoreline.

At the beginning of my body liberation journey, having a negative body image thought threatened my newly actualized body loving self.

An ebb in a friendship meant I might never be close to that person again.

It feels vulnerable to admit, but I even felt nervous about my early clients' body image ebbs. What if it meant I was a terrible coach who couldn't help them love their body forever and always?

Now I welcome all of it.

Ebb is what creates space for flow to return. Ebb is what brings about gratitude for flow. Ebb is a full half of the equation. 

Negative body thoughts are no longer threatening to me; not in myself, not in my clients. I embrace all of it. 

I have clients who work with me intensely for 6 months, or several years, and then close out our time together because they feel equipped, confident, and good in their body.

Sometimes they come back years later for a little reboot. It's not because anything is wrong. Hard feelings just need a place to flow. I love providing that container.

<3

P.S. I am beyond excited to share that the Body Love Open Mic is finally returning in person!!! March 14 in Berkeley. I am hosting with the amazing Eli Conley. If you’re wanting a little more flow in the direction of body love, you’ll definitely want to be there. It will be full of body liberatory songs and poems, chocolate, magic, and will even end with a mini dance party. Performance slots are basically full, but we’ve got room for you in the audience. 

Tickets are cheaper in advance and the last time we did this (2019!) it sold out, so I recommend snagging one now!