The negative thoughts are not your fault

Let's pretend that when you were a baby someone came to you and gave you a choice.

Imagine they said:

"Hi sweet kid! Would you like to live in:

1. a world that hates some kinds of bodies? or 

2. a world that cherishes all bodies, including all sizes and shapes?” 

   
   

You would’ve chosen the latter. Of course.

You didn’t want this. It was the only option available at the time.

That’s why I remind my clients: you come by this honestly. The thoughts that appear in your head are not your fault.

Thoughts like:

• comparing your body to other bodies, or to your younger body

• obsessing about photos

• constantly spinning and buzzing and worrying about how you look.

They're all thoughts that come directly from a fatphobic culture.

I’m sorry you didn’t get to opt in to that other world.

I'm sorry you grew up in a world that had a ton of weird and illogical messages about bodies.

In fact, who you are is pretty miraculous. In spite of the bullshit around you, you've been kind to others. You've even tried to be kind to yourself, and at times you've succeeded.

Sometimes the contrast of being a good person in a body-hating world can create an inner conflict— I’m trying to be kind to myself, but I just can’t stop hating on my body! What's wrong with me?! Why can't the world just stop?

Or: I call myself an [activist/feminist/meditator/evolved human], but would a real [fill in the blank] judge bodies so harshly?

It’s what the Buddha called the “second arrow” and what I call the double whammy: the pain that gets layered on top of the original pain. The shame that gets muddled in addition. Let’s be honest, it sucks.

So that’s why I offer this workshop, usually once a year— The Double Whammy of Body Positivity: feeling bad about feeling bad about your body.

The negative thoughts are not your fault. You can't exactly control your thoughts (so say some), but you can add a toolkit of strategies for what to do with the hard ones, and you can add in new thoughts that get louder over time. 

Yes the workshop is good if you’re new to this stuff (I'll be explaining the concepts of fatphobia and the body positive movement and offering highly practical tips that you can use right away to improve your relationship with your body).

But the workshop is also great if you’ve been putting in the work. If you already get that fatphobia is false and body shaming is a bummer. It's an opportunity to sink in with other people who GET IT, and release the extra spirals of shame, the extra arrow, the double whammy. It’s a chance to connect with others and yourself and come away feeling a little bit lighter.